In the Summer of 2016, I was almost raped at a bar in NYC. Me, 6’0”, 235 plus lbs of thickness. I honestly thought I would never be sexually assaulted. But it happened.
I was at “The Eagle NYC” which is well known leather gay bar that I love. I met a guy who we’ll refer to as “Harlem”. He was a bit of a meat head and had a body builder physique.....like Rodney St. Cloud. He was very attractive. Cute face...nice teeth.....etc etc. We actually met because we were both trying to flirt with another guy. The other guy was from Albany, NY and was visiting NYC. “Harlem” came up to me and the guy from Albany and basically tried to take the guy away. But Albany wasn’t feeling him. So “Harlem” suggested that all three of us go to someone’s apartment so he could fuck the both of us. I told him....”I don’t get fucked.” Without saying anything, “Harlem” walked away. The guy from Albany and I continued conversing but later went our separate ways.
Later that night, it was obvious that “Harlem” had had a little too much to drink He stumbled over to me and hung his arm around my neck. Then he kissed me. At this point, we started kissing, our dicks got hard, and he suggested we go somewhere a little more private. We went downstairs, out the back door to a small well lit, fenced in, alley behind the bar. I’m very familiar with this alley because I’ve been there several times before. It’s where most guys go to have a little more privacy. So I felt safe. There were a few other guys down there engaging in various sexual acts (kissing, rimming, and oral). We started kissing again and he pulled out his dick. It was small and I’m not even being petty. It was small. But I was attracted to him, so I started sucking his dick. A cute Latin guy was watching and wanted to join in. So he started kissing “Harlem” while I was performing oral. Then the Latin guy wanted to suck his dick. At this point, I’m watching and jacking off as they get it on. Suddenly, the Latin guy pulls down his pants and bends over for Harlem to fuck him.
Turned on, I stood and watched. I thought to myself....”I am not sucking his dick after he went in this guy’s ass raw”. So I stood there and watched them fuck for a while. But then Harlem stopped fucking him and says...”I don’t want him, I want you”.
Me: I told you I don’t get fucked.
The Latin guy pulled up his pants and went back into the bar. What seemed like 8 or more guys in the alley all of sudden dissipated to 4 (including me and Harlem).
At this point, Harlem is still hard and has some shit on his dick.
Harlem: Come on, let me fuck you.
Me: Hell naw! I’m not with that shit
(he grabs me and pulls me close)
Harlem: You don’t get fucked, but I’m that nigga.
Me: You ain’t THAT nigga and you damn sho ain’t gone be THAT nigga tonight.
Harlem: Oh....you think you can beat me?
He pushes me and I push him back.
Harlem: Hold on, Imma put this drink down.
He put the drink down and shoved me into a brink wall. My back and head hit it hard! At this point, my pants fell to my ankles. He was trying to flip me around so he could enter me. It happened so fast and I remember thinking “OMG, he’s going to rape me!!! OH HELL NAW!!!!” So I fought with all my might, got him off me, and got out of that corner. I was able to get far enough away to get some distance between us. My pants were still at my ankles and in the process of the scuffle, I injured my left thumb. I didn’t feel it when it happened, but once I got away, it started hurting.
Harlem: I outta fuck you up!
Me: I’m out!
Harlem: Nobody’s going to believe you. You was sucking my dick. And look at you....ya ya ya pants are down to your ankles.
I pulled my pants up. Didn’t say another word to him, went back into the bar, and left. As I was leaving the out the front of the bar, I looked back and could see him coming through the door of the alley, frantically searching for me. Then I exited the building.
Walking to the train, I had a myriad of emotions. I was in rage. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to call the police, I was ashamed that I would have to report a sexual assaulted. I thought about what would have happened if I wasn’t strong enough to fight him off. Just a ton of things running through my mind. I stopped by a store and got a cup of ice and a 2 tablet pack of Ibuprofen because I could feel my thumb swelling. The whole train ride home, I was furious!!!!
I can only imagine if he had been successful in his attempt to rape me. That’s why I empathize so much with victims of sexual assault. You never know how you will feel unless you’ve been sexually assaulted. It takes a GREAT deal of courage to come forward. Because coming forward means you weren’t strong enough to stop it. It means you were weak. It means you were stupid to start kissing him and to perform oral sex on him. It means you will be judged. It means so many things.
Even with boundaries set, things can go awry. Especially if there’s alcohol or drugs involved. For about 3 months, I couldn’t watch aggressive porn, I didn’t enjoy seeing thick men. I was mad at myself for being attracted to him. It was so much. I started researching sexual assaults at gay bars and unfortunately, it happens a lot.
Things I learned from this experience.
1) If you’re by yourself, don’t drink too much. God knows if I would’ve been drunk, the likelihood of me being raped would’ve been high.
2) If you see any signs of aggression, leave. Go to another part of the bar, go to another bar all together. Just get out of the situation as fast as you can. In hindsight, I should’ve known from our first conversation that he wanted to penetrate me. And when I told him that I didn’t get fucked, he left. He was fully sober at that point. Red flag! 🚩
3) If you find yourself in a situation, fight like hell!!!! But if that isn’t working, fake pass out or fake being ill. Then when your aggressor has his guard down, make a mad dash for an exit.
4) Don’t let one situation define or whitewash things for your future. For a period of 3 months or so, I was disgusted by body builders. It just triggered memories from my assault. But not every man is a rapist. It took me some time, but I finally got over it.
5) Rape happens in the gay community, so don’t think it can’t happen to you. I thought because of my size and muscle build, that I would NEVER get assaulted. Boy was I wrong.
6) Be aware of your surroundings. Know where the exit(s) is/are. If you’re with a friend, tell them that you’re going off with a guy. Just take that extra step. It could literally save you.
I hope this experience helps someone avoid or get out of a horrible situation.
Love you guys! Be safe!